Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
