The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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