Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
