I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
