I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
