I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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