Just cropdusted the office
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize