Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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