dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
