i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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