Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize