sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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