i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
