How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
