I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
