I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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