Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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