i permit you to call me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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