The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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