Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
