Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize