before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
