Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He felt like a one man threesome
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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