K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
