you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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