but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i out mim tonsoeep
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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