I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize