before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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