how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
