bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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