these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
