yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize