Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
