once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
