Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
