im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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