Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
