ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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