i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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