just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
