There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We are two peas in an std pod
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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