No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Less talking, more tequila
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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