Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
