I didn't shave. On purpose
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
