No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
