I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I intend to get homeless drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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