I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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