Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
