dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
