A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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