it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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