did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
