You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
