drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
