My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
