I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
