I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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