when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
