Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
do herpes really smell.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
