JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize