Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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