I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
