fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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