I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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