Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
