Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
