I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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