I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
