He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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