1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
