I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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