Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
