nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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