omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
